Navigating the holidays

by: Emily Vickerman, Family Mental Health Navigator

What can we do for our kiddos and ourselves to prevent some of these difficulties and negative feelings around the holidays?

For kids:

Maintain routines. Kids feel their best when they have a predictable, healthy routine, and this is especially true when it comes to sleeping and eating. For infants/toddlers, try to schedule activities around their typical meal and sleep times. For preschoolers and older children, keeping their meals and bedtime within an hour of their usual routine is particularly helpful for regulating their mood and preventing behavioral challenges that stem from being tired or hungry.

Prep them for the season. When we’re not able to keep a routine, children are most confident when they know what to expect. To prevent meltdowns, give your kids a heads up for any travel plans or changes in their routine during the holiday season. If it’s their first time going on a long car ride or on an airplane, talk to them about what they can expect this experience to be like. If they haven’t yet met extended family, tell them about or show photos of some of the new people they will get to know. Maybe your holiday plans look different this year due to the hurricane or because a family member is no longer with you. Have a developmentally-appropriate conversation with your kid about what has changed and why. Additionally, social stories (or a simple book created specifically for your kid’s situation) are a great visual way to prep any child for any new experiences.

Schedule downtime. Carving out time away from the holiday hustle can help prevent behavioral challenges with our kids and keep them feeling calm and relaxed. Whether it’s a quiet space away from the big group or taking an afternoon away from it all to enjoy a movie together, finding downtime amidst the chaos will help you and your child feel more regulated.

Promote play. Playtime releases endorphins, which helps kids relieve stress and feel relaxed. Bonus points if you get outside, as being in nature supports everyone’s mood and time in sunlight stimulates the pineal glad, promoting our immune systems and making us feel happier.

For grown-ups:

Tune into our own emotions. We know kids feed off their caregivers’ feelings, so checking in with ourselves this holiday season can actually prevent tough moments with our children. Take inventory of your own emotions and if you’re feeling overwhelmed, openly discuss this with your kiddo (example: “It’s loud in here, do you want to take a break outside with me?”). Acknowledging our own feelings and demonstrating healthy coping strategies models these social-emotional skills for our developing child and teaches them that their feelings are important too.

Adjust expectations. A constant in parenting, we have to be able to adjust our expectations of these important days and of our kiddos. Our holiday cards might not be picture perfect and will probably arrive late. We may have to take more breaks or commit ourselves to less during this season when we are caring for children. Recognize and prepare for the moments that might be difficult. To combat these feelings, set up plans that are easy, likely to be successful, and fun for you to do as a family.

Set boundaries and say no. Boundaries help both children and adults feel safe. Setting limits around how much time we’ll spend with certain family members or the number of events we’ll attend allows us to choose activities that will be most supportive to our mental health. Being selective about what traditions we want to keep from our own upbringing and what we want to do differently for our children supports us in making time for what is actually important to our families. Focus on what’s meaningful to you and which aspects of this season support your own well-being and relationships.

Remember to rest! Resting is not a reward and not something we have to earn. Just like our kids need to keep sleep routines during the most wonderful time of the year, we do too. Protecting your own sleep (7-8 hours for adults) is the most important thing you can do for yourself during a busy season. Give yourself the gift of a consistent bedtime.

Typically, the stress of this season ends when the excitement has settled and we get our families back into our routines. If your child is still feeling anxious after the holidays and begins complaining of headaches, stomachaches, or other physical symptoms with no illness present, experiences changes in their sleep or eating patterns, or loses interest in their preferred activities, these may be signs to seek professional support. The Family Mental Health Navigation program at CFRC is a good place to start. The Mental Health Navigator connects families with children experiencing mental or behavioral healthcare needs to services including psychological assessments, inpatient/outpatient therapy, and caregiver support. Contact us at 828-698-0674 or find us online at www.childrenandfamily.org/mentalhealth for more information.