Teens Speak: Parents Matter Classes at CFRC

by Jamie Wiener, Executive Director

Learning to “slay” or be “Gucci” with your young “rizzler” “IRL”? Here’s the scoop.

If you’ve spoken with a teenager recently, you may have noticed that they have developed a new way of communicating. Words that once had a singular meaning can now convey entirely different ideas. For instance, have you heard about “brat summer”? This term is probably already outdated, but by my definition, I would have never wanted a brat summer, yet many teens seem to embrace it today. And what in the world is a “Skibidi Ohio Rizzler?” Is it a good thing? Is it bad?

Beyond silly new terms, our teens are also being exposed to various topics at a younger age than ever before. Today’s music is filled with innuendo, controversial themes, and new language that I don’t feel ready to discuss with my children. However, if I don’t address some of these subjects, their friends might, and I can’t guarantee that my kids will receive accurate information.

At Children and Family Resource Center, we offer a program called Parents Matter! This 5-week program is geared for parents of children between the ages of 9 and 12 and provides strategies and tools designed to strengthen and maintain parent-child relationships. The program addresses puberty, decision-making, and ways to minimize risky behavior as children grow. It was developed by the CDC and has been adapted over the years to remain relevant amid the evolving technology and trends that pre-teens encounter. Participants learn about the pressures kids face, practice answering difficult questions, and gain tools to communicate their expectations and values. Caregivers also can connect with others who are navigating similar challenges and learn to address emerging issues in adolescent health.

Throughout my participation in this class, I discovered that it is more effective to have a series of discussions rather than a single conversation about the “birds and the bees.” My house has experienced multiple situations where another child has shared sexual knowledge that was far beyond my child’s comprehension at the time and leaps and bounds beyond what I was comfortable discussing. Despite the awkwardness, addressing these topics encouraged us to tackle discomfort head-on, clarify the information shared, discuss our family’s expectations, and talk about what is age appropriate. This also sparked additional conversations about peer pressure, body image, and safety.

Teenage girls are beginning to menstruate at an earlier age, and many of them do not fully understand their own reproductive systems. I have blocked out so many things from my teenage years, that I needed a reminder myself of the various timelines. Also, the challenges I faced as a teen were vastly different than those of today with phones and technology. The Parents Matter! curriculum has a list of books that helped us kick off the conversation based on my child’s appropriate age and empowered my child to learn why behind what was happening in her body. Although these discussions can feel awkward, normalizing conversations about body changes can make them more manageable. I truly think it made me and my kiddo closer, knowing she could come to me with any questions.

The Adolescent Parenting Program at the Children and Family Resource Center is another program that supports pregnant or parenting teenagers. The primary goals of this program are to help prevent a second pregnancy and assist these young people with staying in school to graduate. Our Coordinators also support these parents as they become the best parents they can be, set goals for their future, and become self-sufficient. Over the years, our parent educators have heard numerous seemingly silly myths like jumping back three times after sex can prevent pregnancy and that drinking Mountain Dew can prevent a pregnancy. These tall tales are not as common as the stories of teens who didn’t think they could get pregnant because they had irregular periods, or they thought there was only one day they could get pregnant in their cycle. There is also a great need for education with teens and young adults alike on the fact that barrier methods are the only form of birth control that can prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. If no one has ever talked to them about this subject, how are they supposed to know?

Another requirement of this program is that our teen moms participate in B3! which stands for Be Proud, Be Responsible, and Be Protective. The curriculum emphasizes protection in motivating adolescents to make healthy sexual decisions and decrease risky sexual behavior. To adjust behavior, our teens need not only information and a perception of personal vulnerability but also the skills and the confidence in their ability to act safely.

It is my personal goal to try and understand these new “hip” words for no other reason than to annoy my children, and I will still try my best to filter the radio despite my teen’s protest so I can avoid too much explaining, but I will also continue to lean into the discomfort so my children feel comfortable coming to me with questions as they come up. If you have a pre-teen in your home and “are low-key” needing support with how to start the tough conversations with your child, our Parents Matter! session started on March 4th and is being held virtually – it’s not too late to join us. Reach out to Gina Baxter, our Adolescent Parenting Coordinator at [email protected] for additional information. If you want to “slay” and know the “tea” or be “Gucci” with your young “rizzler” “IRL,” we can try and help you, but we really specialize in empowering you and your young person to cultivate healthy relationships, just call us at 828-698-0674. Lean in and do the work on the front end with your children. It will start to get a little easier as you discuss these things more frequently, and your child will be equipped in the years to come.